Who Are You When No One Else Is Watching?
by Veronica Joce
Imagine this: It’s late at night, and you’re alone in your room. The world outside is quiet, and there’s no one around to judge or influence you. You’re left with your thoughts, your feelings, and your true self. Who are you in these moments?
This scenario might feel familiar because we all experience times when we are left alone with our true selves. These moments can be revealing and sometimes unsettling, as they strip away the layers we present to the world and force us to confront our authentic selves.
When the world fades away and you’re left alone with your thoughts, who are you, truly? This question invites you to explore the depths of your true self beyond the roles you play and the masks you wear.
More than embracing authenticity, this journey involves befriending the person you are in solitude, fostering a relationship with yourself grounded in compassion, understanding, and acceptance.
The hidden self: beyond public facades
In your public life, you might adopt certain behaviors and personas that don’t fully reflect your true nature. These facades are often built to meet societal expectations, professional requirements, or even to protect yourself from vulnerability. When you're alone, these facades fall away, revealing parts of yourself that are rarely shown. This hidden self includes your unfiltered thoughts, raw emotions, and intrinsic motivations. Understanding this part of yourself is crucial for building a genuine self-relationship.
The hidden self is not about being a different person but about peeling back the layers that have accumulated over time. It’s the side of you that thinks freely, feels deeply, and dreams without constraints. Embracing this self involves acknowledging and accepting both the positive and negative aspects of who you are. It’s about being honest with yourself regarding your strengths and weaknesses, your desires and fears.
Befriending yourself
Befriending yourself means treating yourself with the same kindness, empathy, and support that you would offer to a close friend. It involves recognizing your worth, forgiving your mistakes and failures, and nurturing your passions. This self-compassion and self-love is essential for mental and emotional well-being, providing a solid foundation for personal growth and resilience.
When you become your own friend, you create a safe space within yourself. This internal safe haven is where you can retreat during challenging times, knowing you have a strong, supportive relationship with yourself. It’s about building a connection where you can be honest, forgiving, and encouraging towards yourself, especially when facing life’s inevitable hurdles.
Steps to befriend your authentic self
1. Cultivate Self-Awareness
Start by observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Mindfulness practices such as meditation can help increase self-awareness, allowing you to notice patterns in your behavior and emotional responses. Journaling is another effective tool to document your reflections and gain deeper insights into your inner world.
Developing self-awareness is a continuous process. It involves regularly checking in with yourself, understanding your emotional triggers, and recognizing how your thoughts and feelings influence your actions. This ongoing practice helps you stay connected to your true self.
2. Embrace Your Imperfections
Accepting your flaws and vulnerabilities is a critical aspect of befriending yourself. Understand that imperfection is a part of the human experience and that your worth is not diminished by your shortcomings. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself with kindness during moments of failure or doubt.
Embracing your imperfections means letting go of the unrealistic standards you may set for yourself. It’s about understanding that making mistakes is a natural part of life and that each mistake is an opportunity for growth. This perspective shift can help you develop a healthier, more forgiving relationship with yourself.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care goes beyond physical health; it includes emotional and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading, hiking, or spending time with loved ones. Establishing a routine that prioritizes self-care can help you stay connected to your true self.
Self-care also involves listening to your body and mind, recognizing when you need rest, and allowing yourself time to recharge. It’s about finding a balance that supports your overall well-being, making self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine.
4. Set Personal Boundaries
Learn to say no to situations and people that drain your energy or compromise your values. Setting boundaries protects your mental and emotional health, allowing you to focus on what truly matters to you. This reinforces your self-respect and affirms your commitment to living authentically.
Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It involves being clear about what is acceptable and what isn’t, both in your personal and professional life. These boundaries help you maintain your energy and focus on activities and relationships that align with your true self.
5. Nurture Your Interests and Passions
Engage in activities that reflect your interests and passions, even if they seem insignificant to others. These pursuits are expressions of your true self and can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Whether it’s a hobby, a creative endeavor, or a new skill, make time for what you love.
Pursuing your passions is a way of honoring your true self. It’s about making space for the activities that bring you joy and satisfaction, regardless of external validation. This practice helps you stay connected to what genuinely matters to you.
The role of solitude in self-discovery
Solitude is not about being alone. Rather, it’s about being present with yourself. It offers a chance to disconnect from external influences and reconnect with your inner voice. Embrace moments of solitude as opportunities for introspection and self-discovery. Use this time to explore your thoughts, reflect on your experiences, and envision your future.
At first, solitude can be challenging. Think of that moment when you find yourself alone at a table in a restaurant, feeling the weight of silence. This initial discomfort is natural, as we are often accustomed to constant interaction and distraction. However, welcoming this silence is crucial for personal growth. It allows you to hear your inner voice more clearly, guiding you towards your true desires and helping you make decisions that align with your authentic self.
In these sometimes uncomfortable moments, solitude provides the space to think deeply, dream freely, and plan for a future that resonates with your true values. It’s a time to listen to your thoughts without the noise of external opinions, giving you a clearer sense of who you are and what you want.
Moreover, solitude allows you to recharge and reset. In the constant hustle of daily life, taking time for yourself can rejuvenate your mind and body. It helps you return to your responsibilities with renewed energy and clarity, enhancing your overall well-being.
____________________
Take the time to befriend yourself. In doing so, you will discover a wellspring of strength, resilience, and joy that comes from living in harmony with your true self. This relationship with yourself is the cornerstone of a fulfilling and meaningful life.